Sci-Fi Fiction

Once upon a time there was a Blade Runner, a Yoda and a Neo. They lived happily in an Avatar on the outskirts of District 9.

One Yoda was restless and said that he and the Blade Runner and the Neo should go on a trip and visit the Jetsons.

The Blade Runner said he would but if Ridley Scott is driving it might take up to 5 hours.

The Yoda said go he would.

And Neo said he would go but only really needed to tell us in one movie and not three.

So then they booted up their Delorean and flew, because where they were going they didn’t need any roads

Meanwhile in another part of town a little E.T. was waddling through the woods following a trail of reese’s pieces and Drew Berrymore’s tears.

Suddenly he met a break in the woods and it felt like the day the earth stood still.

It was a cabin in the woods which a first didn’t seem sci fi like but then it did.

When E.T. stepped into the house he could smell porridge.

He went up to the first one and said “porridge fucking sucks.”

After that he went to the living room and there were three chairs.

He sat in the first chair and Hal said hi, but E.T. didn’t trust talking computers.

He sat in the second chair and it was actually just a monolith with a bunch of monkeys hitting it, and he said, “get your hands of it, you damn dirty ape”

Then he sat in the third chair and it felt just right, he said “I’ll be back”

E.T. started to feel tired, so he went up stairs to see if he could take a nap.

He laid in the first bed and it felt like he was lying in a forbidden planet.

He got to the second bed. On the bed it was engraved Mad Max. He laid down and it turns out it was just sand on the inside.

He laid down in the third bed and fell fast asleep.

When E.T. was asleep he dreamt of genetically engineered dinosaurs, playing in a giant dune. Oh and it was a wet dream about Leeloo from the 5th element.

While E.T. was sleep cumming a Neo, a Yoda and a Blade Runner came home. Neo said, “Oh thank god no one ate our porridge!” And Yoda said, fuck you no one likes porridge.

Then they got to the living room and the Blade Runner could sense that someone had been there because there were now 12 monkeys all around and that monolith still didn’t make any sense.

They got upstairs and they saw E.T. sleeping.  They were going to yell to wake him up, but in space no one hears you scream.

So instead they made their pussy friend Wall-E do it. They knew Wall-E would do it because he was so butt hurt over EVA.

Then E.T. wakes up and says “Home.”

Then Neo throws E.T. out the window and he flies in the sky across the moon like in that movie that E.T. was in.

Then everyone looks at Yoda and he says, “Phew that was a Close Encounter of a 3rd Kind.”

THE END

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